It's midnight...

...and I'm going to get up in a few hours, but I feel the need to write. It was a wonderful day, and this evening, I had a chance to be involved in a very special delivery. All deliveries are incredibly special, but tonight's somehow had a profound impact on me. This was the mom's first baby. She's just shy of twenty and is a sweetheart. I first met this petite lady earlier in the day when she wasn't yet completely dilated. She had a long labor and almost went to C-section. In the end, she was able to deliver vaginally. I am so moved by each delivery I witness...there is so much emotion, magic, rawness, and beauty in these moments. I see women who are so courageous even in the face of the unknown, for a lot of them (though even for multip moms, each delivery is so different and unpredicitable). Something about tonight's delivery was especially powerful. I think it had a lot to do with the young lady giving birth. We broke down the foot of the bed, and her legs were being held up by her husband and mom. Dr. Smithson and I stood at the foot of the bed, watching baby slowly descend and eventually begin to show herself. Baby crowned for a long time and finally delivered a good 5 minutes after first crowning. During her contractions, mom kept looking at me since I was standing more centrally. Her husband and mom were on either side of her, her nurse was at her side, and Dr. Smithson and I were at her feet, and we were all yelling Push push push go go go that's the way! Just like that! Strong pushes! Good! I wondered for a split second what someone standing outside the room would think of our chorus of voices. What a unique time. A woman surrounded and supported by a group of people all waiting for a mini human to come out of her. I kept thinking of Dr. McKenna, my anthropology professor at Notre Dame, who always talked about the pelvis-and-head dilemma (how over eons of time, our brains kept growing, meaning babies' heads keep getting bigger but the pelvis does not!) I looked up briefly at everyone's face in the room. Mom had a look of fear and pain, dad had such a sweet earnest look of encouragement, grandma was fiercely supporting her own baby "Go baby girl! Get mad! You can do it!", nurse was solid and saying words of encouragement...I can't even find the words to describe the heightened sense of something in that moment. Somehow it feels right to describe it as a moment in which we were all so alive, so human, so authentic. Mom and I locked eyes several time. She seemed to have an expression like "Get this baby out of me!" Actually, she did say this aloud. But her eyes were full of urgency, vulnerability, desperation. Just making this eye contact somehow moved me. I looked right back at her and tried to affirm what she was doing...I nodded...you are doing it you are doing it, that's it, almost there, keep pushing...I felt the need to be grounded and strong. She was looking at us with desperation; indeed, for a long time she had been saying "Use the suction, I can't do this, get her out!!!" She'd say "I can't do this" over and over, and we'd all affirm her, Yes you can. Yes you are! She did it, she gave it all she had. She was utterly exhausted, but she did it. Baby came down and I got to catch her and lay her on mom's chest. That moment always chokes me up. Mom is always yelling because of the watermelon lemon thing and it's always fascinating to me when that scream of pain turns into a scream of delight and sheer joy and relief. Mom, partner, (and probably baby too!) always seem stunned. What a moment of pure connection and oneness. So beautiful. It's such a privilege to witness and take part in this magical event. I can't get over the beauty of birth and I don't think I ever will...tonight's whole experience seemed especially gratifying since her labor was so long and she almost went to section...in the end, everything turned out so well. We thought we'd have to use the vacuum or perform an episiotomy at the very least...but the universe had other plans. She did fabulously and fought through to the end.
I should get to bed. Sorry this blog has kind of been an ulfiltered, stream of consciousness type of thing. Thanks for bearing with me. But I just had to write. I've been wanting to write more about some of the deliveries I've seen...so now I finally am. Birth is just so beautiful! Well, off to bed. Alarm's set for 4 hours from now!